He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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