I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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