just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize