he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
