when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
