come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
