my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
