can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
