She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
