watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize