this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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