Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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