it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
