just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i dont even know how to be here
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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