I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
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I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
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I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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