I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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