Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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