I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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