i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
