Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
