i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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