I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
