she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
