She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
