I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
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He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
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He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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