Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
