You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
