i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
