The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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