Pappa wants mamma naked
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
