I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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