drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
