Your tits are I can't wait for
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
