Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
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The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
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I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
how does that bad decision feel?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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