I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So vagazzling was a success
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
