I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
