oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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