I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
