You're completely useless in the revolution.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
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He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
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So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
And then he peed in my hair
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