I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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