If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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