cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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