my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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