Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
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I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
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Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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