Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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