here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
