This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
