It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize