SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
