somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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