i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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