I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
