hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
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Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.