Where did you get a picture of my penis
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize