I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.