just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
What's dad's email?
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.