You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
