What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.