some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
