yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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