I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize