When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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