Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
