i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
