Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
