If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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