is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
